Why is it that the pants I purchased last Sunday are now too tight? Seriously. They fit fine on Sunday, wonderful. Today? Sausage roll, with muffin tops. I'm a freaking Sunday brunch in pants.
So, I've either put on ten pounds like less than a week (doubtful, I hope...) or...
Shopping makes you skinny.
I'm going with that one. Shopping makes you skinny.
Excuse me, I have shopping to do, bathing suit season is coming.
Remember my foray into stalking? It took awhile, perhaps ...five? phone calls, but I finally received a call back. And, luckily, they didn't call me back to let me know the restraining order is on its way.
I am now an official newspaper delivery person. (go ahead, snicker. I did.) Can you just picture me (however you picture me) on my bike, ringing the little bell as I chuck newspapers into my neighbor's rhododendrons?
I did too, until I met with them. They've very, very serious, these newspaper people. First off, you sign a contract. A 15 page contract. The deliveries are 7 days a week. Seven. And if you miss a day, it's $100. Charged to you, for missing a day. If you're sick, had a car accident, etc? That will be $100 a day, thank you very much. If you decide this isn't for you, just too much fun to get up at 4 am (did I mention that? the AM part?!!!), you must give 30 days notice. If you don't, that will be $100 per day ma'am.
It gets better. If someone complains, they charge you a $1. If it rains, you need to purchase the little bags from them. If you don't purchase the bags, the newspaper gets wet, the customer complains, you're charged a $1.
But there's more! If you knock over a mailbox or in some way damage a customer's property, you're liable for it. BUT. Just in case you don't pay, they require a deposit of $150, taken out $5 every week. AND, they require insurance. He described it as a kind of medical/health insurance, and I explained I already had that, thanks, but doesn't really matter, it's mandatory. And, I don't see how it can really be medical insurance for $2.56 a week, but there's less money I'll be getting.
The funniest part was when he explained that once the deposit reaches $150, I can call to ask they stop the withdrawal if I'd like. I chuckled, thinking, gee isn't he funny. But no, he was serious. I asked him why (implied: in hell) would I not want them to stop taking money out? It seems some people use this as a savings account, and then just call him and ask for their own money when they need it. Um? No, thanks.
While some of this kinda makes me nervous, the hours required for this job are perfect. I'll be gone while the boys are still asleep, meaning they won't be killing each other and I won't be missing time with them. Perfect, right? I'm hoping so.
