How to Stalk your way to Employment
Remember my foray into stalking? It took awhile, perhaps ...five? phone calls, but I finally received a call back. And, luckily, they didn't call me back to let me know the restraining order is on its way.
I am now an official newspaper delivery person. (go ahead, snicker. I did.) Can you just picture me (however you picture me) on my bike, ringing the little bell as I chuck newspapers into my neighbor's rhododendrons?
I did too, until I met with them. They've very, very serious, these newspaper people. First off, you sign a contract. A 15 page contract. The deliveries are 7 days a week. Seven. And if you miss a day, it's $100. Charged to you, for missing a day. If you're sick, had a car accident, etc? That will be $100 a day, thank you very much. If you decide this isn't for you, just too much fun to get up at 4 am (did I mention that? the AM part?!!!), you must give 30 days notice. If you don't, that will be $100 per day ma'am.
It gets better. If someone complains, they charge you a $1. If it rains, you need to purchase the little bags from them. If you don't purchase the bags, the newspaper gets wet, the customer complains, you're charged a $1.
But there's more! If you knock over a mailbox or in some way damage a customer's property, you're liable for it. BUT. Just in case you don't pay, they require a deposit of $150, taken out $5 every week. AND, they require insurance. He described it as a kind of medical/health insurance, and I explained I already had that, thanks, but doesn't really matter, it's mandatory. And, I don't see how it can really be medical insurance for $2.56 a week, but there's less money I'll be getting.
The funniest part was when he explained that once the deposit reaches $150, I can call to ask they stop the withdrawal if I'd like. I chuckled, thinking, gee isn't he funny. But no, he was serious. I asked him why (implied: in hell) would I not want them to stop taking money out? It seems some people use this as a savings account, and then just call him and ask for their own money when they need it. Um? No, thanks.
While some of this kinda makes me nervous, the hours required for this job are perfect. I'll be gone while the boys are still asleep, meaning they won't be killing each other and I won't be missing time with them. Perfect, right? I'm hoping so.
5 Things People Said:
Wowzer. Good luck with this! I hope you get lots of good tips. We try to tip our guy generously, because he does an awesome job of delivery. We have a farmer's porch, and he ALWAYS gets the paper right by the front door, up on the porch. Always. So I can just lean out the front door in my jammies and bare feet and pick it up. No running to the sidewalk, or end of the drive, or the bushes, or anything. A couple times a year he includes his self-addressed envelope as a gentle little reminder for us to send a tip. And he doesn't have to collect for the paper since we're set up for EFT. Hope you don't get stuck collecting! :-)
Our delivery person uses a car and basically just drives the wrong way up every street on her route. We've had the same gal for 14 years. We tip her generously - especially in winter. You know how those north east winters can be . . .
Oh - I should add, we have a separate newspaper delivery tube out with our US mail box. She drives, we get to walk to the end of the driveway. Works for us.
I hate to be discouraging, but my husband and I had a version of this particular job. We delivered the bundles of newspapers to the carriers. Talk about a job that sucks!
so, when all is said and done, these newspaper jackasses are charging you about $14 a week to deliver their papers, if you don't screw it up, and if it doesn't rain. BUT if you forget to call them at $150, you'll have enough to retire in 24jrn334719238y2293r7 years, right? single parenting, i know, it's awesome.
Post a Comment